Back in December last year, I was contacted by an author who asked me to read and review her book Like A Closed Fist. I really liked the book, which is about the sexual escapades and search for love by a 24 year old girl. It’s a book about romance, and how it can go wrong, but it’s also an interesting story about trauma and recovery too. You can read my review of the book HERE.
I asked E H Nolan if she’d like to do a fun post for you guys, and we also decided to give away a copy of this great story too. Read on…
There’s a great line I love from the film “The Butcher’s Wife” (screenplay by Marjorie Schwartz and Ezra Litwak): “You can always tell when the right person walks into your life. Well, no. I can always tell when the wrong person walks into my life, and this doesn’t feel that way at all.” My romantic outlook in a nutshell.
It’s so much easier to recognize a whiff of a potential boyfriend’s cologne as the brand your ex used to wear. The old “been there done that” adage, if you will. To echo the line Mary Steenburgen delivered perfectly in the film, sometimes it really is easier to sense when the wrong person is in your life, rather than tagging Mr. Right with the “one and only” medal.
That being said, in my vast experience of sifting through the wrong ones, here are four types of men to watch out for:
1) The Actor
I don’t mean a literal actor, although those are most often disasters deserving their own category, and most of the “actor” types are actually actors on the side, or in some other realm of performing arts. Ladies, go to the movies for drama. Don’t invite it into your bedroom.
The Actor is silky smooth and will give you great lines as sure as he breathes. But again, if you want to chuckle at the wit of a screenplay, go to the movies. Of course you believe he’s completely falling for you! But rest assured, every “Do you know how beautiful you are?” and “Look at those eyes!” he’s said a hundred times before. The bottom line is this: you can’t trust an Actor. He’ll either split after you catch onto his “act”, or he’ll change into a completely different character after intermission. These types don’t want you to find out who they really are, and usually it’s for a good reason. Hiding, covering, and chameleon-ing are his default behaviors. Is that someone you really want to get to know?
2) The Teacher
You know that really perceptive, intelligent man who “sees” you like you’ve never been seen before? The one who asks you questions about your feelings and your family? He seems like a dream, doesn’t he? He’s so evolved, so unlike the normal Neanderthals in your dating history.
Mark my words, if you take a chance on The Teacher, you’ll soon find yourself longing for another Neanderthal. The man who once asked you insightful questions and tried to help you understand your deep seeded issues with your mother will soon bug the pants off of you. And not in a good way. Those questions you once appreciated will inspire you to ask your own: Does this man do anything besides point out my flaws? The answer is no. Unfortunately, you’ve gotten involved with Henry Higgins (any theatre lovers out there?) and he will try his hardest to Pygmalion your flawed fanny. He’s been pointing out what he believes to be your deficiencies, not to shed light on anything in particular, but to mold you into who he wants you to be. Chances are he’s an expert in molding. He’s done it before and will do it again to your replacement, right after you tell him where he can stick his slippers.
3) The Clone
Right after you’ve ditched The Teacher, you’re probably going to fall head over heels into the arms of The Clone. He’s so kind, and he never criticizes you. He’s up for anything you suggest. He’s the only one who truly appreciates your backwards pole-vaulter joke. And compliments? Wphoo! This boy’s got the market cornered.
I’m not going to give you tough love on this one. This is hard to hear, and even harder to act on. You absolutely deserve someone who’s going to appreciate you, laugh at your jokes, and compliment you instead of criticize you. But it’s possible The Clone is merely giving you what he knows you need. This type is so tempting to stay with, especially after a previously hurtful relationship. Here’s the telltale test to find out if you’re with a Clone: observe him with his friends and family. It’s scary, but Clones absorb the energies and personalities of those they’re around. If he’s religious with his church friends, the life of the party with his wild friends, and rattles off football stats with his bros after agreeing with you that the macho sport is overrated, he might have a problem.
4) The Cynic
The Cynic is one of my personal favorites. And by favorites, I mean, weaknesses. It’s practically hard-wired in us females to want to fix and improve the lives of our guys, and once involved with a Cynic, you might find yourself addicted to the challenge. You know that slightly grumpy guy at the company picnic who complained about the rain? Remember when you brought a smile to his face as you told that backwards pole-vaulter joke, adapting it to a rainy picnic setting? That smile sure was worth it, wasn’t it? Boy, what a smile. Boy, what a thrill! You brought him out of his funk; you were the one and only special girl to fix him and improve his life! It’s easy for you do, and the first few dozen times you do it it’s euphoric. You make excuses for his cranky moods. You overlook the bad times because of that one tiny moment when you brighten his face again.
The Cynic might be hardest to shake because in doing so, you must admit you are not the special one-and-only woman who can transform him into Prince Charming. Just try and remind yourself that as many times that you brighten the sky, he brings the rainclouds back again. He has an endless supply of gloom. He feels just as strongly about bringing you down as you feel about lifting him up. Maybe not consciously, but that’s the sad, sick dance of many relationships. The Cynic was either a depressive child or became cranky because life beat him down. Either way it’s not your problem, and you sure as sugar aren’t going to fix it.
So there you have it, four men not to date. Believe me, I’ve dated them all. How else would I know to stay away from them? If you liked my take on these types, check out my latest novel Like a Closed Fist. In this contemporary women’s fiction, the protagonist finds herself torn between six very different guys! Talk about men not to date–Wphoo!
Want to get your hands on a copy of her book? We have one copy of EH Nolan’s book Like A Closed Fist to giveaway.
Click HERE to enter now!
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- You must be following the blog, either through wordpress or you can sign up for email subscription (there’s a widget on the side, just put in your preferred email).
- Winners will be drawn at random through Rafflecopter
- Competition closes on the 21st of August, 2017
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- The competition is open to US, UK and Canadian entrants
- This giveaway is sponsored by the author
- Total prize is worth £11.50