So many of my friends have come to me for dating advice over the years, and so much of what I said to them seemed shocking somehow. Women are given some really unrealistic expectations about dating, men and relationships. When I got an email from Kai Nicole about sharing her book with you, I almost rejected it out of hand: who needs another dating book that is full of more crap advice? But then as I was reading her email I realised…. at last! Here is a book that says so many of the things that I’ve been pointing out for years! While reading this I kept saying out loud “Yes!! That’s right!” Seriously, read this book.

Kai Nicole has a great website where you can find out more about her and her book here: http://www.datelikeawoman.com/ And if you’re struggling with dating and relationships, get this book. Kai knows what she’s talking about. Want proof? Below I pulled a few top tips that I love from her book to talk about. There are many more in Date Like A Woman, and I can’t recommend it highly enough.

1. Ditch the list: SO many women have a list of what they want. He must be this tall, have this colour hair, this size salary, be like this, do that…. but I always think when women make this list, it’s so foolish. For a start, a man is not a supermarket. It’s not someone elses job to be and provide everything you want. And also, if this perfect guy existed, he’d probably not really be interested in you. I mean, are you a perfect person who ticks every box on their list? No, you’re a human being. The second problem with this is that by not dating someone because of really arbitrary traits, like hair colour or job description, you’re overlooking really great guys who have more realistic things to offer, like loyalty, kindness, a great sense of humour….
2. The all men are dogs/only want one thing lie: Kai Nicole talks about this in her book, and it’s so true. You know what, there are some awful guys out there, and guys reading this, you know there are some awful women out there! But honestly, if you’re only attracting men who want sex, then take a look at your behaviour, if you’re only attracting guys who are “dogs”, it’s time to take a long hard look at yourself and maybe your past. It’s so easy when you’ve been burned by a bad relationship or even by your parents unhealthy marriage or whatever, to blame the whole gender. But I have loads of friends who are guys and I can tell you, they’re all wonderful people. And I have my own relationship with a wonderful man, and his friends are wonderful guys. Men are generally pretty great. I’m a fan of them. But as long as your mindset is that “all men are…” you’re only going to attract that into your life.
3. Being single is not a disease or debilitation: This one annoys me so much. lol. I can’t tell you how many girls have talked to me about relationships or men as though they’re not only a right but a career move. “I’ll take that holiday, but when I’m in a relationship” or “I’ll get married when I’m exactly this age”. Or even “I can’t because I’m not in a relationship”, “I’m pathetic because I’m not with someone”. As if a man (or romance) is a trophy. It’s a great way to avoid working in yourself and taking any responsibility for your life, but what kind of relationship are you offering when you think like that? Not a great one for the other person! And you’re also opening yourself up to settle for less than stellar behaviour because you’re afraid of being single. This one comes down to good self esteem, and the better your self esteem is the better romances, friendships, all kinds of relationships you will have. Desperation turns off most people, not just guys.
4. Attractive women have an easier time dating: After Sandra Bullock won an Oscar, she found out her husband was cheating on her. So there you go. Think of all the Hollywood divorces and you’ll see that success and beauty do not make it any easier. More importantly than this, people are not attracted to others because of the way they look. Not really. As Kai Nicole points out, sitting across the table from someone who looks nice but has nothing to say is a pretty boring experience. Talking to someone who doesn’t have a life or interests or who is too eager to please, I mean, I’ve been on dates with men like this and it wasn’t fun! It takes more than good looks. End of story.
5. Men are insecure when it comes to women: This is so true. Men are emotional and feel things deeply. I read somewhere once that a man’s biggest fear is being laughed at by a woman. We have this idea that men are made of metal or something, but we’re all the same species you know. We are culturally compelled to behave in certain ways, outwardly, but we’re not so different. Men are expected to act all confident, women are taught that it’s cute to doubt themselves, for some reason. But that doesn’t mean that men don’t have fears about looking foolish over a girl, or about being made a fool of. Generally, if a guy is into you, he will tell you and make time for you. It’s that old thing of men do the chasing, and the woman chooses the man. Keep in mind that he’s putting himself out there on a date, so be polite and compassionate. Even if he doens’t end up the love of your life, he could be a true friend for life.

Thank you, Kai Nicole, for reaching out to me and sharing this book. I love the down to earth way she writes, and seriously, I think so many people will get something out of this book. Her website again is: http://www.datelikeawoman.com/ Buy this book, either for yourself or someone you know. It’s wonderful.